Mood:  blue

So, milovane is reading the book, "Slave Girl of Gor" and it talks about slave needs.  How the Gorean slave so aches for the touch of a man at times she will break her own bones against a cage trying to touch a guard. The protagonist of the book aches for the touch of a man, and learns that a Gorean girl displays herself and gives of herself without inhibitions.  And when she is denied that touch, that fulfillment she is in torment.  

Well, sometimes milovane knows how that feels.  While you may or may not practice slavery milovane has known the joys and exquisite pleasure of not only being an online slave, but of being a real life slave.  Currently, milovane is ownerless in real life and sometimes that ache to have that ultimate connection with someone is almost overwhelming.  While it is often expressed sexually, it is deeper than that.  Until you have surrendered completely its hard to describe.  At first it's like a free fall, scary, elating, wild, and then you let go of everything and it's like flying.  milovane misses it, online, and in real life.  

one tries so hard to be pleasing, it's what a slave lives for, to hear that "good girl", to feel that touch when He is pleased, and lately its like milovane has lost her stride, or her beacon or something.  

People disparage online relationships/collars because they aren't "real" but the feelings and emotions of the people at the keyboard *are* real, those are real tears that fall to sparkle atop my hands, when milovane types "mouth trembles" or "tears slip over her cheek" that's what's happening.  

When milovane feels displeasing it literally makes her sick, and she is in tears.  It doesn't matter that its a Master that milovane will never set eyes on in real life.  She has made the comittment to try and please Him in this venue and, for what ever reason, she fails.   It's devastating, even though the cane that falls across one's back is figurative the emotional pain is not.  When one's owner threatens to kick one from the channel she calls home the pain is real.  

 Maybe tomorrow i'll get it right.  

Mood:  don't ask

Let's face it, milovane is simply NOT having a good day.  As you may know from the previous blog she was first assigned "homework" and so spent what time she could slogging through the book.  Now granted, there were some things it made this one sort of think about, but in the mood milovane's in it might be best to think about them another time.

 Oh, and milovane doesn't care HOW many times the writer insists the brand is graceful and beautiful it absolutely makes milovane sick to even think about it.  A deep third degree burn is impressed on a body and then that person is out and about in a dusty camp?  We're talking serious infection, lots of difficulties.  And milovane always has worried that some bubba with a barbeque is going to try it.  

So, milovane is at the Inn, and it's a quiet night.  It's been quiet for a while, but had a nice little chat with Mistress Elisa, and then *wham* tons of people start pouring in.  People milovane hasn't seen in *so* long, all she wanted to do was talk with them, enjoy their company, perhaps *serve* but NO!  First of all she was kneeling beside a Master when they all came in, so protocol is that you may, with permission, greet, and join in on the conversation.  Then another Master seeing milovane sort of just sitting there called her to serve.  Well, what do you do?  Master Oryx then told this one to then serve them both, at the same time!  So, milovane went to kneel between them and asked, "How may this one serve you, Masters?" and there she was, stuck.  One Master decided to leave, and the other one just left her kneeling there.  So, NOW milovane is kneeling in the middle of the room, and cannot talk, or join in the conversation, or anything!  *sigh*  It was *so* frustrating.  So, this one finally asked if she could go to her kennel, as there was just nothing left for her to do, save that.  

So, isn't this supposed to be enjoyable?  Isn't it supposed to be fun?  *sigh* this one just doesn't know...she's simply so frustrated.

Mood:  irritated

milovane will be the first to admit that the books that created Gor, by John Norman are NOT sterling prose.  when this one first discovered online Gor she read the first four books and found them to be what milovane calls "wall books" books you want to throw at the wall.  While the concepts are what appeals to me, the idea of a the M/s dynamic being the natural order of things, that the Master owns the slave in an uncompromising way, the writing did not.

So, now milovane is faced with "homework".  She is to read the books, " Dancer of Gor" and "Slave Girl of Gor" and write a summary and a report.  Also to highlight quotes she finds interesting, and then send this all on to her owner.  

And while milovane will do so, it is irritating the heck out of her.  milovane LOVES to read, and usually goes to sleep with a book in her hands, but it's a book she's chosen to read, a genre that appeals to her, by authors milovane respects.  

*sigh* now milovane knows how students must feel when they are made to read a book they don't particularly care for.

So, talk to milovane.  Do your owners give you homework?  How do you feel about it?  Do you find shortcuts? (would be particularly interested in hearing about those) Have you ever refused an assignment?  What were the consequences?  

Curious minds want to know!

milovane

 On page 112 and the writing isn't any better than milovane remembered it.

Mood:  amorous

http://www.alt-times.com/gor/gor_slavery.html

Ran across this on my wanderings, looking for quotes of slave to slave relationships for Master.  Thought it was interesting.  What do you think?  

Oh, and does anyone have any slave to slave quotes from the books?  milovane would appreciate the help

milovane

Mood:  cool

Ohhhh, a biggie.  Time and time again milovane has seen jealousy rip apart otherwise wonderful relationships.  Slaves are not supposed to be jealous, and yet, there it is, the green eyed monster raises her ugly head and turns the most delicious slave into a shrieking demanding harridan. 

Isn't jealousy natural?  Don't know, to be honest.  milovane has experienced jealousy.  It's never productive.

 What do you do when you are feeling jealous?  Well, there's a few things.  Admit it to yourself, and then ask yourself why?  Do you doubt yourself?  your Master? your owner?  What is at the heart of that doubt?  Part of being a slave is trust.  Trust that your Master cares, that when he says you are a wonderful slave, that he means it.  He may find other slaves wonderful as well, but that does not diminish the fact that he cares for you.

Go take a walk.  Doing something physical often helps disperse the initial heat of the emotion.  Don't make demands, and don't storm off.  but do say you need some time.  While you're walking think about the good things, your time with Him, the fact that you are a slave, and that a Master may decide he would like the use of a different slave.  There's no quicker way to drive Him from you than to get dramatic about it.  Jealousy comes from the fear of losing a loved one, and the way we act when we are jealous often makes that fear come true!  

guess the best advice is to be the best slave you can be, and trust your Master.  

remember, a kajira is exquisite beauty, always pleasing and absolute obedience.

milovane

Mood:  sad

milovane does not call other slaves "sister" and often asks other slaves to please refrain from doing so.  Yes, one has heard the "but we are all sisters in slavery" comment, but the term implies a closeness, a comeraderie, if you will, and  to call *everyone* sister makes that idea a mockery.  But, the reason one doesn't call other slaves sister is, most other slaves would cheerfully dig your eyeball out with a spoon and step on it if they thought it would make them look better, prettier, more important, and garner the attention of a Master.  once in a while milovane will feel close to another slave, and has even called a few, sister, but time and again one has been betrayed by her "sisters in slavery" and milovane is sure it will happen again.

 How do you feel about it?

A quote from "Captive of Gor" by John Norman

Once Inge came by, to taunt me. “Rask of Treve has forgotten you,” she said. Rena, too, accompanied Inge. “Yes,” she laughed, “he has forgotten you. He had forgotten you!”

and this:

A master takes no interest in the squabbles of slaves, it being beneath him.
Nomads of Gor - Page 138 

which would imply, slaves are squabbling.

along with this:

 I spoke calmly. "Free men do not much interfere in the squabbles of slaves."
Assassin of Gor - Page 202 

If more than one girl is involved, she who follows most closely on the left is generally taken to be in highest favor; girls compete for this position.

Slave Girl of Gor - pg 32

Some girls fight one another with whips to obtain such a master.

 Slave girl of Gor - pg  39

Eta strode past me. I hated her. She was dark-haired, incredibly beautiful. Her dark hair swirled behind her to her waist. She had been given clothing. I had not.

Slave Girl of Gor - pg. 47

Having nothing to fear from me she would freely and opportunistically insinuate herself among the men. Slave girls compete for the attentions of masters. Each strives to be more pleasing to them than the other.

 Slave Girl of Gor - pg. 133

Squabbles among slave girls can be nasty. In them there is likely to be much screaming and rolling upon the tiles; vicious clawing, biting, kicking and hair pulling tend to figure in such feminine disputations; even more shameful perhaps is the fact that the other girls find such contests amusing and encourage the contestants. Sometimes a strong girl even orders two friends to fight, until one establishes a dominance over the other. “I have been beaten,” is the whimpered submission phrase of the loser, clawed and frightened. “Command me, Mistress,” she then whispers. She must then serve the victor. If she objects the matter is again subjected to physical adjudication. In a closed set of kennels the order among the girls is usually meticulous and extremely precise. I was low girl.

Slave Girl of Gor page 259

Mood:  a-ok

your training begins
<Oryx> ----------------------------------
<Oryx> A kajira has three duties, in this priority.
<Oryx> 1) A kajira is pleasing, to her Master or Owner first, then to He whom she serves
<Oryx> 2) A kajira is obedient, following her Master's or Owner's commands to the letter
<Oryx> 3) A kajira is pretty, in her Master's or Owner's eyes
<Oryx> ===========================

 A new slave, collared to Master Modred, came to the Inn this evening.  Master Oryx began her training, thusly.  While these rules may seem simple, many girls struggle with them.  The one milovane struggles with most is the third.  There are days girl simply doesn't feel...beautiful.  

When milovane was owned in rl her owner would display her, at times.  it took a long time for girl to trust that she was beautiful in HIS eyes and that no one else's opinion mattered.  

girl's first owner had only the one rule, "Always be pleasing".  Of course being pleasing again varies from Master to Master, and it is girl's duty to work hard to determine what would please the one she serves.  

milovane often compares being kajira to the ideal of a geisha.  To be pleasing girl must be educated, have a multitude of skills, and foremost put the wishes and pleasure of the one she serves at the center of her conciousness.  

obedience, girl obeys not because of a threat, or because she sees it as a "game" to play, and if she misbehaves she'll get "punished" she obeys because it pleases Him, and pleasing Master is it's own reward.  sometimes that is the difference girl sees in a slave and a "bottom" or "sub".  girl wouldn't dream of acting out to get attention.

 So, the training has begun.  so many girls come and go, it's hard to know if the new one will learn and thrive or find that Gor or slavery truly isn't for her.  

Only time will tell. 

Mood:  happy

At this time milovane (Czech for beloved) is owned by the-Lara-Inn on bondage.com on mIRC.  milovane has been a real life slave (owned by two different Masters, and served others) and has also served extensively online.  this blog and web page will be about milovane, her friends, the Inn, basically a place for girl to think things through, talk about them.  girl will also deal with topics as suggested by the Inn's owner, Master Oryx.  girl is creating this page for Him, and while you are free to comment, it is He that girl seeks to please.