Mood:  amorous

Was talking with a Master last night and he said he'd read the blog, and that always surprises me.  milovane often feels like she's just sort of randomly writing in a void....like space or something. 

He asked milovane about her journey, into slavery.  It's kind of a big question. 

As a child i was always the one that was "captured" and tied up.  Looking back it seems i often sort of instigated this action.  That it was something that satisfied me in an amophous sort of way. 

Fast forward....quite a few years....and the first PC arrives on my desktop.  milovane discovered irc and chatting, and there, on dalnet, was a channel called #submission. 

Upon entering i was informed that you were either a sub or a Dominant.  i didn't hesitate, and said, oh, not a Dominant, very much submissive.  And it was there, online, that i began to seriously explore that side of me.

i was known then as wolfsine.  There were many lovely people that frequented that channel, and i soon learned that people actually *did* this.  They had relationships based on Dominance and submission! 

wolfsine was given as a birthday gift to a Mistress, Elle.  This will come as a surprise to many people.  milovane is not bi, and honestly not interested in women, sexually, but as a slave i felt you would not have much say in the matter, so i became wolfsine{E}.  my Mistress was someone who lived the D/s lifestyle in real life.  She was amazing and guided me with great skill and a fierce spirit into realizing that i truly was very much most at ease and happiest when i was serving and being pleasing. 

and then, i was released.

While many might find online slavery to be a petty and small thing, let me tell you the emotional consequences were very real.  i was released because (sigh) i had lied to her.  Even now i hate to say it.  The trust was broken.  She would have nothing more to do with me.  i was devastated.

Now, many people on #Submission talked about "Gor", and mostly not in very flaterring terms.  They particularly disliked a place called #silk and steel (i don't remember the exact spelling)  and in my anger (mostly at myself) and despair i thought i could hide there for a bit.  So, off i went.

Tomorrow....wolfsine learns about Gor